A few weeks ago I was flying from Hong Kong to Canada on my way back to spend Christmas with my family. For those of us who live abroad or are frequent long haul flyers, we know there are some necessary personal essentials and we pretty much have our routines mapped out (see the end of this post for my super-duper interesting p.e. list).
One of the things I always make sure to do is watch at least one crappy teeny-bopper guilty pleasure hot Hollywood film. This time I settled in for two deliciously glorious hours of ‘Friends With Benefits’ starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis.
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve seen the film or not. You know what it’s about. And you aren’t surprised that during the lengthy montage of nudity during which JT and MK really, truly, deeply get to know each other, I was presented with, consumed and had taken away my chicken-with-rice-or-beef-and-pasta dinner. And the nakedness was still going.
Tap, tap, tap.
Someone was touching me. On a plane. Tapping. Tapping is never good.
I turned to look over my shoulder.
Leaning forward, with a kind but stern look on his face, was the 70-something year old Chinese man who was seated behind and to the right of me. I took out my earbuds.
“You are too young to be watching that.” Oh my god. How long had he been watching me watching them get it on? Did he just see the screen? Had he been watching the expression on my face? What was the expression on my face?! Had it changed when JT’s very toned bare behind had graced the screen? I couldn’t decide whether I was mortified or amused. Addressing my concerned surrogate grandfather, I desperately tried to look respectful, though the corners of my mouth were pulling.
“How old do you think I am?”
“Oh, 12…maybe 13.” I lost it. Fit of giggles ensued. Get a hold of yourself! (Also, what do 12 year olds look these days? Are they all on steroids?!)
“Sir, I’m 26.” He looked at me suspiciously. I attempted to convey maturity, honesty and composure with my eyes. Doing anything with your eyes after nine hours in transit just translates to Hello, I’m crazy. Do you have any pretzels? I attempted to look my age. Which, considering my chosen entertainment, may have made my case worse rather than better. There was a very long pause.
“Ok-la…you are old enough to watch that.” Evidently, I don’t give my eyes enough credit. Ah ha! Windows to the soul, people! And my soul was old enough.
Triumphant, feeling mature – after all, I am an adult! I can watch sex scenes whenever I want to!– I resumed watching.
And then, at the slightest hint of nakedness in any film I watched for the rest of the flight, I fast-forwarded.
List of personal essentials:
- Blanket (Because it’s freezing, because mine is clean and because it can double as an extra pillow.)
- Warm socks
- Entertainment (Books, ipod, ipad, computer, e-reader, phone etc.)
- Food (I am a health freak. I need fresh vegetables. Fruit. Almonds. And chocolate – dark, so it’s the healthy kind.)
- Gravol (24 hours door-to-door = need to self-medicate)
- Toiletries (After 14 hours with another flight to go, you’d better believe I get pretty grody!)
*If your travel capabilities have elevated above and beyond the cattle car Economy, forget the list. You have ARRIVED!
vacantbookshelf 