I’m cool with nudity. Nude beach? Cool beans. Legal to strut around topless in NYC? Very cool beans. These guys strolling down las calles of Barcelona? Own it!
El guapo on the right is sporting a full bum tattoo. Cheeky, cheeky!
Butt But there are limitations. And one such pandemic I have been witness to lately is the outbreak of Golden nuggets, arches, drive-bys & streams, or GONADS.
GONADS EPISODE ONE
GOLDEN ARCHES: TRAM EDITION
Back in November I was heading home after a long day of mindless running around. A bit sweaty, decidedly hungry and lungs having reached their daily
toxic quota tolerance for air pollution, I was hoofing it home when I saw a GONADS offender: legs spread wide apart, pants and underwear clinging at his knees, a man of 30-something clutching his peen with both hands. Unabashed and seemingly unaware of his stupefied audience, he golden-arched it. Someone had drunk a lot of water milk tea.
This was not a Friday or Saturday night. It was a civilized day, like a Monday or Tuesday. The setting was a bustling tram station in a high-end neighbourhood. There were grandmas – the super old kind- and children. There were MY EYES. Eyes which apparently could not tear themselves away. So I did what anyone
in Hong Kong would do, and what everyone around me was doing. I went to take a picture. I stood frozen, staring and gaping with horror. I said nothing. I shot not one disgusted look. I did not call the police.
But I did call S to vociferate my displeasure and astonishment.
“@#%*&$^(*$%@ PEEING $@($&)@^@*&!!!!”
He sounded surprisingly unperturbed by the burning of my retinas. Okay, I get it. It’s not as if we haven’t all seen such spectacular displays of solo sword fighting before. But I don’t want to see it. And I especially don’t want to see people publicly bare it all to vacate themselves more frequently than I have to strip down for my esthetician during bikini season. Which, to my dismay, is exactly what happened.
Stay tuned for GONADS EPISODE TWO. Coming soon to a public space near you.
For all you long distance love troopers.
I hear ya. I see your pain. Even if s/he can’t because the bloody a/v is cutting out again.
Get it together Thank god for Skype FaceTime.